The 7 Worst Things Parents Do ................
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When Good Parents do Bad Things
Even the best parents can be guilty of doing one or more of The 7 Worst Things
Parents Do. In fact, it's often the good parents who make the mistakes outlined in
John and Linda Friel's new book. Are you one of them? If you care about your
children at all, it's likely you are.
Putting Your Marriage Last: Good parents often say - in a way that can almost sound
boastful - that their children are their life and everything else comes second to
them. It might sound good to neighbors and friends, but according to the Friels it's
an approach that can be disastrous for you, your marriage
and your children. "When kids grow up in a child-focused family," says John,
they grow up not knowing what a good marriage is." Show them by putting your
spouse first. Your children will learn how a solid relationship operates.
Babying Your Child: It's understandable that you don't want your child to suffer
even the slightest disappointment. Unfortunately, disappointment is a fact of life
we all have to learn to live with, and home is a better place to learn it than at
school or in the workplace. If you find yourself doing
things for your child he or she could do, resenting and pitying your child at the
same time, or being unable to see your child struggle with anything, you could be
babying your child
and in effect, raising a baby!
Failing to Give Your Child Structure: Kids want structure in their lives whether
they act like it or not. A lack of structure can show up in a number of ways, from
failing to give your child chores (and expecting them to be done) to creating a
relationship with your little one that's more like "best friends" than
parent and child. Which brings us to
Being Your Child's Best Friend: "Hip" parents often commit this blunder,
largely because they'd rather be liked by their child than respected
because they fear making their child angry. Sorry folks, but "you can't be a
good parent, therapist or teacher if you can't stand to have people angry at
you," according to John. Or a talk show host, added Oprah. Unfortunately, occasional
anger goes with the parental territory, and it's important for your child to learn
that you can be angry with someone and still love them.
Pushing Your Child Into Too Many Activities: Too many over-achieving parents can't
wait to watch their little ones follow in their footsteps. But is there anything
sadder than an eight-year-old who has to carry a Filofax to keep all his commitments
or a parent who has to play taxi driver to make
them all happen? One activity that your child enjoys is enough for both of you!
Expecting Your Child to Fulfill Your Dreams: This mistake goes hand-in-hand with
number five, and it's an error that the Friels warn can "destroy your child's
spirit." Children are genetically disposed to excel in some things and not in
others. Don't push your little painter to become a physicist or
vice versa. "You wind up with a child who has a broken spirit," warns John,
"and society can lose the next Picasso or Einstein."
Ignoring Your Emotional and/or Spiritual Life: We need to fulfill our needs,
emotional and spiritual needs in order to be able to give to other people/to our
dalam show tsb, dijelaskan pengarang buku tsb John dan Linda Friel mengatakan bahwa
yang mereka maksud di atas adalah untuk pasangan yang solid, good parents, yang
terkadang tanpa disadari melakukan sesuatu yang berakibat/memberi efek negatif di
kemudian hari, mereka tidak menujukan kepada pasangan yang mengalami abusif relationship,
atau anak di-abuse dsb, tentunya itu amat jauh lebih buruk.
From Oprah Winfrey's Show Friday's Show:
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