The 7 Worst Things Parents Do ................ Back to HOME

When Good Parents do Bad Things

Even the best parents can be guilty of doing one or more of The 7 Worst  Things Parents Do. In fact, it's often the good parents who make the mistakes  outlined in John and Linda Friel's new book. Are you one of them? If you care  about your children at all, it's likely you are.

Mistake #1
Putting Your Marriage Last: Good parents often say - in a way that can almost  sound boastful - that their children are their life and everything else comes  second to them. It might sound good to neighbors and friends, but according  to the Friels it's an approach that can be disastrous for you, your marriage
and your children. "When kids grow up in a child-focused family," says John,   they grow up not knowing what a good marriage is." Show them by putting your   spouse first. Your children will learn how a solid relationship operates.

Mistake #2
Babying Your Child: It's understandable that you don't want your child to  suffer even the slightest disappointment. Unfortunately, disappointment is a  fact of life we all have to learn to live with, and home is a better place to  learn it than at school or in the workplace. If you find yourself doing
things for your child he or she could do, resenting and pitying your child at  the same time, or being unable to see your child struggle with anything, you  could be babying your child… and in effect, raising a baby!

Mistake #3
Failing to Give Your Child Structure: Kids want structure in their lives  whether they act like it or not. A lack of structure can show up in a number  of ways, from failing to give your child chores (and expecting them to be  done) to creating a relationship with your little one that's more like "best  friends" than parent and child. Which brings us to…


Mistake #4
Being Your Child's Best Friend: "Hip" parents often commit this blunder,   largely because they'd rather be liked by their child than respected… or   because they fear making their child angry. Sorry folks, but "you can't be a good parent, therapist or teacher if you can't stand to have people angry at
you," according to John. Or a talk show host, added Oprah. Unfortunately, occasional anger goes with the parental territory, and it's important for  your child to learn that you can be angry with someone and still love them.

Mistake #5
Pushing Your Child Into Too Many Activities: Too many over-achieving parents  can't wait to watch their little ones follow in their footsteps. But is there  anything sadder than an eight-year-old who has to carry a Filofax to keep all  his commitments straight… or a parent who has to play taxi driver to make
them all happen? One activity that your child enjoys is enough for both of you!


Mistake #6
Expecting Your Child to Fulfill Your Dreams: This mistake goes hand-in-hand  with number five, and it's an error that the Friels warn can "destroy your  child's spirit." Children are genetically disposed to excel in some things  and not in others. Don't push your little painter to become a physicist or
vice versa. "You wind up with a child who has a broken spirit," warns John,   "and society can lose the next Picasso or Einstein."

Mistake #7
Ignoring Your Emotional and/or Spiritual Life:  We need to fulfill our needs, emotional and spiritual needs in order to be  able to give to other people/to our children.

note:
dalam show tsb, dijelaskan pengarang buku tsb John dan Linda Friel mengatakan  bahwa yang mereka maksud di atas adalah untuk pasangan yang solid, good  parents, yang terkadang tanpa disadari melakukan sesuatu yang  berakibat/memberi efek negatif di kemudian hari, mereka tidak menujukan kepada pasangan yang mengalami abusif relationship,   atau anak di-abuse dsb, tentunya itu amat jauh lebih buruk.


From Oprah Winfrey's Show Friday's Show:


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